I'm a nerd. I sometimes make very nerdy observations. What follows, is certainly one of them.
I have been obsessed of late with a slow and pensive cover of The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by some band called Sleeping At Last. I love the old song, too, but hearing it slowed down you can really appreciate the power that there can be in the lyrics. Anyway, as I was just listening I realized... wait... The Proclaimers were Scottish... and unless they were talking about a girl on a continent and NOT in Great Britain... they COULDN'T walk 500 miles and 500 more. I know it's pretty dorky to even think that... but alas, I did. I think the furthest they could walk for their walk-worthy gal in Great Britain would be about 650 miles. Perhaps they would require doubling back a couple hundred miles? No... I think The Proclaimers weren't thinking about geography. I suppose it wouldn't make quite as compelling a song if they said "I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 183.5 more, just to be the man who walked 683.5 miles to fall down at your door." Maybe, as a putative poet, the geographer inside me will let this one slide. Maybe.
As for my life... I got that job that I interviewed for. I decided, "It's more money, and it's not really a step down. Just take it and be an adult." Maybe I'm not as awful a person as I felt I was last night. Maybe I can just keep slowly working my way up to a real adult job. Maybe I can keep working out and get in shape. Maybe I can tell my family about my orientation and let the chips fall where they may. Maybe I can find the man of my dreams at my doorstep. Or his. Maybe.
Congratulations on your job! At least it can serve as a stepping stone to future career success and you'll have some more cash on hand. Could be worse. And you're definitely not an awful person. Maybe this is your point to make the break and become more of the person you want to be.
ReplyDeleteAnd you must know that there are romantically-satisfied gay guys in all shapes and sizes. Self confidence, though, is always crucial.
Thanks Evan! You're a champ for always looking to empathize or sympathize with me. As easy as it would be for me to say, "You're right, I'll just have more self confidence!"... it's something I've always struggled with, and it has been particularly bad the last couple years. I've had a couple years of bad news, pretty much, when it comes to finding out who I truly am. Haha, that sounds a little melodramatic. I love a lot of things about myself, but I am really terrible at remembering that when I'm around others whose opinion I value at all.
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